Sunday, 28 December 2008

34. elkie vanstiphout - 30. lise kyle

The Wrangler Jeans Pact

i come home. and out the spout. really what did she mean? so flipping unfair. i was wailing on the railing(s).

Elkie Vanstiphout is really good today, very much like the old drive, the old drive, going to the place you remember, you talk about sometimes. she doe's photo;s.

I was Floating around the Bins, you Beautiful Girl, I Met you on Holiday in St. Tropez

Lise Kyle is like when you go to a rehearsal and everyone is like 'oh yes, this is what we all must look at, in the corner of the room' but it's not all pianos and grandeur, cattle gates, you can have that. she aldso doe's electronic osund.

more photoe's by Elkie Vansiphout:

by David

Monday, 22 December 2008



many (hopefully) suffer from this problem. i did the maths, and proudly anounced to my sister -- "music has only been around for what, 100 years or something, and jesus christ has been around for like, 2008? so that's only about 1/20th of the time that people have been making christmas music since the world began, and they only make a christmas song, like, one day a year! so that leaves only about 100 songs to choose from!"

it was devestating news for the brain. but it explained why every year we suffer the palindrome, the endless, crushing timewarp of depression that is christmas. -- the jukebox is empty! if everyone spent all their days trying to invent a song that was really awesome, like one note going for the whole song, the best note, that everyone would agree on, then we could just have that as the christmas song. it would be a brown note or something.

Fleet Foxes basically killed all the 'best albums of 2008' lists, so that made me panick. i thought i'd have to buy a teal gillet and do farming or some shit, since that was the only possibility they left for 2009. I admire Scrooge, btu Scrooge was a sellout, he dropped all his valuable capitalist beliefs after a few fucking ghosts had some old pep talks with him!

i was staring at the music channels and trying to work out why suicide rates arent 100%, and i thought, actually the sludgy lead riff in Paul McCartney's' 'Wonderful Christmastime' is fucking great, really muddy and bollocky, like some Scamp pounding on the door with tangy tinsel tits, really zooshy and flappy balls. yeah. so i'm gonna focus on that whilst i cry into my mince pie.

by Paul Jennings

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

"£^^))))))))------to live and shave in l.a.

yummy milk Dino! mum! come home!
n////////////////////////////so i totally just finished this skript for "skins"! i'm a shoo-in to win X9! hopefully. i will win their money.

TO LIVE AND SHAVE IN L.A. are the kind of band (collective really)
that make you go FUCKING HELL. for starters, theyre called To Live & Shave (yes thaths right sirs!) in L.A.??!! its like, here's your check sir, oh there's nothing on it.

but way brilliant it is. Thurston Moore backed and with taglines like "genre is obsolete" and "wildly inaccessible", its the stuff of utter, weird cut up, bit of papier mache left on the side, sorry abotu that, dreams. deadly nitrate burning through the cot. every time. give them a listen.


Friday, 28 November 2008

MUSIC LITERATURE IS MY QUEEN:my# Pitchfork burger-nip chois,,es,,,,,,,, or some shit

pitchfork have this reader's poll, and instead of my valuable views being smudged in with all the other troglodyte votes, i thought i would tell your FACE what i think and how you should think. this is democracy. X 64.

favourite album 2008
rip it off - Times New Viking
this album is the sound of artistic shabby canvas sex and spooning. all the time, but represented on a piece of parchment, by the egyptians. it's so brutish, goofy and shit, and it doesn't care, and this is why it is just like love. it's such a stylish, landmark record, not too indie, not too goat-eyed and indifferent, it's leftist and green and so appallingly produced it makes you long for band practice in the garage. 'i wanted to buy you flowers' Beth and Adam sing through bass-ridden dead-amp distortion on The Early 80's (adorable greengrocers' apostrophe a must), and its like, but you already did.

favourite song 2008
suicide notes - Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti
It's a silly idea to choose yr favourite song in any year, (i was going to put Water Curses but for untold reasons, i cant bare to listen to it anymore, or perhaps something my coki? hmm..), but my random discovery of Ariel Pink was so lucky musically -- his sound - -weird-ass, emotional, lost in the worst/best GENUINE trip of the 70's. music journo's often talk about music being trippy, but that's because they're recalling when they did speed a month ago. the Haunted Graffiti is really warped in a way that seems to be due to a labour of love. and it's singable. it's like when you have to spend time with cousins you cant really remember the names of and you havent slept, and you realise how old they look and the insertion point on the inside of your elbow really itches, and time is really subjective and flopped over. suicide notes is really cool because i pretend the chorus goes Jodie, Jodie, which is a friend of mine from when i was really young, and it hazes the whole thing up.

best live act 2008
The Kills
i've seen more shows that usual this year, but the crystal castles show at the beginning of the year made me realise how they are now tamers of 14-year-old zombies, and they whip them into shape (or Alice does, dominatrix that she is) and that really bored me. then Shred Yr Face at Elec Ballroom was excellent and sexy, traditional fun, as was the No Age aftershow later at Bar Vinyl, where Randy was a really nice guy (and reading their recent interviews, fucking hilarious), as well as Fucked Up, where everyone there got mollested. but seeing the Kills, and not really expecting much at all (i had presumed my tastes had changed significantly, No Wow being the last album i got), they were fucking nang. classically composed, genuinely enjoying themselves, and always with this beautiful, sad poetry between them. it was as if Kate Moss was standing in the middle like a ghostly form, seperating them, and the glances (and sometimes lustful, full-on stares) they gave eachother were taut with happy, glad-to-be-on-the-road melancholy. i began imagining the conversations they would have at whatever shitty Stoke hotel they were staying at, wondering how Alison would lean out the window whilst she smoked. the nicest thing about the Kills is they are probably the most timeless, ageless band of the decade, and there is definitely something worth keeping in that.

best new artist 2008
David Altmejd
it doesnt say music artist, and there are too many to choose from, so let me tell you about the awesome contemporary sculptor David Altmejd. he's canadian, uses dead/synthetic animals (often wolves) in his work, with huge fuck off crystals coming out of their chests, and digital watches on their wrists. often his sculptures are so dense with tiny images, little freaky men made out of whatever, queuing up inside the body of some transcreature, full of color without the 'u', all with a pastel, rural cool. not so much an artist's artist, as a fashion designer's artist.

most overrated album
the seldom seen kid - Elbow
blah blah blah! hello sire, whats yon band call-ed? el-BOW. EL-bow -- really? and you feel thou deservest a stance on the highest of crap, dans Mercury prize, throne, yes? above Burial? Yes? whyest you better sit on d'cunt then chaps!!.... Elbow winning the Mercury seemed to say everything that needed to be said about music this year -- no one knows what they are supposed to like. Kasabian-lite for lonely mid thirties? fine. very innovative. get out of my sight. Los Campesinos!' We are Beautiful, We are Doomed was also on the shortlist for this, theyre mawkish fucking shit-children too.

most underrated album
anywhere i lay my head - Scarlett Johansson
oh no he dit'ent! yeah, i know. but bear in mind she couldve put out any old absolute chart-topping icecream toss, but she actually chose to make a decent, muddily-produced, personal record. it's a series of tom waits covers, but it's clearly something she wanted to do since she was a kid, and then got to, and even though shes a fairly pants singer, it just makes the whole thing more shoegazey and goofy (pictures of her in her wellies). it's refreshing that it wasn't shit, is what i mean, in earnest. rubicund lips and wellies are a good combo.


Monday, 17 November 2008

mou,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,brightblack morning light

it's weird how global splodges on the map become cool (in the western world that is). one minute it's paris, then canada, then seattle, and now, my darlings, it is mexico.

NB: the u.k. continuously lets everyone down.*

Mr. Mou, one 1/2 of 'xyx', a kind of mexican, post-punk version of Lightning Bolt, makes his very own shoegaze with experimental cherries in the mix of cake. like the Sea & Cake played through a child's just-been-born bracelet with someone lurking in the hospital with a marshall mini-amp attached to their doctor coat. real. and good.

it seems ambience is at last being explored for the better.

Brightblack Morning Light know wilderness, and love ambience, residing in a teepee in new mexico, and making music so chilled and generous it's enough to make you join them. "the world's first hippy 'shagging album'" is what their newy is according to +1 magazine, and it's hard to disagree when you're this turned on. the sound of smoke in the bracken, the sound of dry sex and the sound of someone asking you, sincerely,

'wanna come look for firewood with me?'.


Saturday, 15 November 2008

Laura Huet is ..poor me, i'm writing an essay and i'm only 1/2 way thru

fuck off people that tell everyone about yr essay status thru yr facebook status!!!! writing essays isnt hard cunt! it's not like someones gonna message you it fully-formed!!!! at least you don't have meth-arms like this chick! ----

more gross at,GGLJ:2006-41,GGLJ:en-GB&q=crystal%20meth%20effects&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi
RAD! that photo reminds me of a dream i had last nite actually..


Wednesday, 12 November 2008

zola jesus,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the rebel

fascinating story:
my grandparents owned a restaurant in St Albans, gangster land, just resting past the prim, sexy outskirts of north london, and they used to bust balls, kill people, spill so much blood that you couldnt differentiate between blood and meatball juice, and by the end, you didnt even care.

The Rebel, from St Albans!!!! (THE LINK) and "the moniker under which Ben Wallers of Country Teasers records and performs solo" (thanks Wiki! xxxx!) are stop drinking yr desperate coffee in the morning you need to have the vaguest bit of energy to look for new music, cool. or hot, but by that point my coffee was cold. i didn't mind. i say 'are' because it sounds so lame calling him the Rebel, and theres some chick on drums for the live shit, bashing away her days. aanyway, very college-country, very dark and literate statements of teeth grinding art-damage. is what the Rebel are. like a night you spend mostly slumped outside a car, looking at the 45° sky, blown, and it ends up being one of yr best. like a nap in the sun.

Zola Jesus is a fine lady that makes very stuck-in-a-Gursky-photo style ambient shardy shoegaze, and is only on the same label! the greedily good Sacred Bones. i like this photo up here--^, she looks like a cross between Johansson 56 minutes into Lost in Translation and M.I.A. or something. ~~~~ ZJ flutters around stylistically, is often industrial, is often CocoRosily distant and tapey, catchy in a Xiu Xiu way. like a trip to the supermarket with your parents.


Sunday, 9 November 2008

excepter,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, crown now

it always annoys my breasts when yr at a house party and some music faker says ''ohh theres nothing new anymore, everythings been done'' and you say ''oh hey, dont you make music yrslef mike?''' and they say ''yeah its mostly acoustic, kind of pop/rock??'' and you realise, becauez you can see it in their eyes, that they are skating on the seabed and they will never be alive and you say YES.

Crown Now are a band that are immediately repulsive and loveable. basically mashed up grabbed out tapes that you could easily imagine a kid in a high-chair had got that ketchup you get in pizza's all over, with some delicately measured vox over the top. genuinely creepy, very clastrophobic like realising you have no choice but to live in a closet-sized flat, but you console yrself at nights by thinking you could put a stained floral mattress up against the wall and take some good pictures of this girl you know. very much Dorine Muraille's punk offspring.

excepter got da burgur!! i love these burgers, i have this amazing picture of the best/biggest/blackest/ cutest man ever eating one with this bib on and a crash helmet. ah there he is! i tracked him down, and i'm putting the link in later.

aanyway,, excepter are like a small lightshow given primarily for yr friends pet, very beautiful, with the mumbling qualitites of Suicide, and the boosted walking away from a bright house-style hypnotisation beats. there's even something Liarsy about their repetition and dark suggestion and making out. very much like something that should be on a Kill Rock Stars complication compilation, if they hadnt got a bit lax lately. excepter remind me of the time me and my friend max dropped a steel bar down a well but we were so convinced we should go down and get it that we did.


Sunday, 2 November 2008

mummy, why does every girl i know turn into a complete fucking lardarse when they go to university

it's the hidden mystery of craggy doom. 'cept it's not all that ard to penetrate. women are weak, and men are also weak but in different ways. with women the tendency under the depression of university is to get the fuck to morrisons whilst the Ben & Jerry's offer is still on and consume, consume, consume. and they do it in gangs, so no one feels bad that they can't see their hipbones for shit, because none of them can. it's like group suicide. guys are more likely, when under the depression of university, to lock themselves in their room and wank themselves to death. you heard it here 1st.

Saturday, 1 November 2008

christmas island

hey dad! yll really like this piece of music! its got some chords!!

christmas island are fucking excellent and the erason is theyre influences are like a glossy dream of bile and filth, in other words, they have perfect influences ranging from London post-punk gems like desperate bicylces and tronics, to the fucking urinals. it's worth talking over with yr gran, or maybe wrapping that dark blue green sweater round her throat. i'm trying to be descriptive.

doin' swell is their best so far, although i like to wake up in the morning and look down at the beer cans on the patio and listen to 'i don't care'. makes me feel okay.


Thursday, 30 October 2008

...and this is 1 fur all yew studentz out thurr!

UR 1st year of university will be the only one that isnt 100% unwithstandable pain, suffering and mental turmoil. the 1st is the fun one right! its just a warm-up yeah?! nothing can go wrong.

1. you will become heavily addicted to something, whether its sex so promiscuous there is a vague disappointment when your piss doesnt burn, coffee at all hours of the night, ketamine that you will end up injecting, cigarillos, drink (not really an option) or the 2 classics; weed/coke depending on the family wealth of the people you hang around with.

2. you will love yr friends, at the start. the 1st night is something that stretches over weeks of indecision and spendage, to the point that time and money are one and yet do not exist, and everyone you meet is everything you ever wanted in an abstract way that makes you almost cry when you get back in to your halls that arent the bedroom you grew up in, but you dont care because everything is perfect or something.

3. if youre up north, you will realise than Oasis are actually a secretly hidden, mongoloid cult.

4. you will experience true multiculturalism, and find out if you are, as you always secretly maybe wondered, at the back of yr mind, that tiny, smidge bit racist, or not.

5. you will have a lot of sex or spend a lot of time wondering why you arent having a lot of sex, and the reason for this is because you are a cunt and you will never survive in life and may as well kill yourself, but you came to that conclusion anyway, you just needed confirmation, right?

6. s.t.i.s really are on the loose. ill say no more.

7. you will have feelings for one of yr tutors, regardless of gender, just because theyre so nice.

8. you will have the best, trippiest all-nighters of all time in the woods, or if yr urbanized, in a squat/warehouse/prostitute's kitchen. in manchester.

9. if youre in london the credit crunch will fuck you sore, hopefully, you lucky bastards.

10. you will DIE! EVERY DAY

Andy S
photo:Kevin wears boxers by Gap £12.99, a ginger cat, watch by casio £7.99 & cast by GGXX £19999999999 pounds



Sunday, 12 October 2008

miruki tusko

The goofy and gorgeous work of multimedia actually Belgian artist Miruki Tusko is the stuff of dungeons (milk milk milk milk). It's gothic glitch-collage to the power 19 and you loves it. As disturbing as it is cutesy, as tired as it is vibrant, it's a mixture of graf, stolen gifs and hyper silkscreen bliss. His official site is a warped piece of net art covered in lava and angry Magic 8-bit synths, his work's titles scabishly ranging from 'WHATS WRONG CUNT', to 'THE BLUE LAGOON' and 'EXTREMELY POINTLESS'. His music is the industrial gabba of yesteryear, but better, more horrible, more likeable. He has a book of his lushly punk neon silkscreens out atm, so smash 'n' grab that shit.



Sunday, 5 October 2008

kristen schaal

fluke! fluke! the powerhouse!
i found him outside, he was so poor...

KRISTEN SCHAAL, the funniest thing since sliced swan necks smeared on the queen's belly with a bit of cum on also, is KRISTEN SCHAAL! she's a curio combination of Miranda July & Andy Kaufman, and she's cute as a niggering button. no jokes!

with the voice of a 40-a-day baby and the pretty/ugly thing going on like nothing else, she is my favourite comidí.Ênne of da moment! take a bow, bitch!


Tuesday, 30 September 2008

crack und ultra eczema

by far the best band ever since you died in a car crash is the stunningly fucking zashily named CRACK UND ULTRA ECZEMA. YES. YES. I WON.

yet another stupidly perfect band from the country le france, which has bike riding as a main sport or some shit.

noisy as the milkman in the morning when he's pissed and found out but a few hours beforehand that his bitch of a wife was cheating on him, and then started smashing all the milk bottles sequentially (WHILST CRYING), even if you dont love the noise like it was yr only dad, Crack Und come up with the universal goods in their toasty bliss package call-ed """"A Way to Enjoy!"""", which sounds like the kind of thing you could stack shampoo bottles on a windowsill to. consisting of eric le sauveur d'entre les morts, julie la pute, samir cheb samir, bisoubisou, the band really are worth their salt, with their post-clap yr hands say yeah whine-vox, gorgeous college grunge riffoons and songy song city!


Andrew ApplÉs

pasta time!

Saturday, 27 September 2008

////////////////// - \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

i'm still alive!

listen to Todd Rundgren.



Thursday, 18 September 2008

experimental wank

here tis my own brand piece on experimental WNak!

is experimental music good for us? studeis show dat no ----- it is really not. but then again, who fucking caresa GOD!

1st up is the v, lovely Maura.

Maura's music sounds like having an assault rifle next to your bed and trying to work out whether to use it. it's also dubbishly chilling, as in the song "busbewusst", the delay and oddness of the sounds becomes a capsule shell that you use to go insane whilst wearing normal clothes for round the house. it's gamelan symphonies gone to town to get stoned. also worth noting is her masterpiece of serial experimentation "ah ah oder was", which sounds like Wall-E's mum (who is a milf), fucking.

2nd up is the v, charming Tiebreak.

parisian Tiebreak are 1 1/2 Detect, and another half Laura Saglio, and what comes out is perfectly simulated by the biro monster head son at the top of the page ----- you completely hate it, yet feel you need to love it, to take care of it. "primitive electronic music" is pretty much where theyre at, but there's more to suck up than that, an explained dolphinness about them. "cool beans" is my favourite track, it's very loopy and happy.

3rd up is the v, pretty Gangpol & Mit.

Gangpol & Mit (some more lovely Frenchies) sound like J-Pop if it avoided every outsider influence its entire life, and sat in a pond. the sounds the boys squeeze out of their synths and god knows what else is so otherworldly and sweet it's as if you took a small unidentified mammal under your wing and grew to like its company, and you watched it every morning on the lawn. best track, probably the elegant "The only sure thing about luck"

4th up is the v, sexy Titmachine!

netherlandy Titmachine are one of Siltbreeze's latest pukes and i flipping enjoy them. of all the no wave bands i've heard in my years, there is no one that comes close to sheer Shaggs-esque poorness. they sound like they are trying to find exactly what you didn't want to hear every single second. it's fucking beautiful. check out ""Kakakai"

happy hunting!


love, Drew Breath x

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

~ { fleet foxes } ~

after hearing the crippling hype surrounding seattle's Fleet Foxxxxxxxxxxxes, (on sub pop) i checked them out (a year ago i believe señorita) and thought they were good, not for me, good good, not for me, not for me.

turns out they only are! unbelieveably lovely harmonies adorned with utterly cakeish Tiger Lily-esque baroque fudge and gorgeously shtuck forrest melodies. matured like old cabin oak on some lost canadian mountain range, is what they are. especially songs like English House and Mykonos, which i suggest you use hypem to find another blog that isn't to stingy to dish out the files (i can't work out how to link files on blogger) (bless). anyway, have a lovely day!

Drew Apples


Thursday, 21 August 2008

what you should be listening to, because you have no backbone, you stupid fuck

Hip Hop ---- Kail, for the sound of righteously arrogant production values and Californian chemically-enhanced blowjobs.
Punk ---- Times New Viking, for the sound of scraping rulers on an old maths table whilst a girl you used to fancy sat opposite you.
Grime ---- Rustie, for the sound of listening to your entire family's mp3 players, all the phones you ever owned and the start up sounds for all the computers in the neighbourhood.
Shoegaze ---- A Sunny Day in Glasgow, for the sound of your girlfriend's hair hanging out the window of a speeding car.
Reggae ---- The Pioneers, for the sound of an old radio in pampas grass with a red sticker that reads Love Carribbean Life on it.
Electro ---- The Knife, for the sound of curiously cold, slow, snowy romance on synths.
House ---- The Field, for the sound of fields. But really really beautiful ones.
Jazz ---- Bill Evans, for his murmurs in-between the tunes.
Songwriter ---- Bat for Lashes, for the sound of falling for someone because of their clothes, not their face. At night. Naturally.
Rock ---- Liars, for the sound of the most talented cavemen we could find.
Pop ---- Drug Rug, for the sound of a band I liked when stoned and now hate.
Indie ---- Dirty Projectors, for the sound of a sad drunk man that is quite skinny and offers you a cigarette he rolled himself but is quite wet from the rain outside a train station.
Folk ---- Eat Skull, for the sound of an old bin.
Opera ---- Richard Strauss, for the sound of German elegance and cum stained pants.
Dubstep ---- Cluekid, for the sound of ghost dogs barking basslines, & a sick new sound in dubstep.


Wednesday, 20 August 2008


it's always nice to hear a band get slowly better, and at the consistent speed of motorway journeys at night. Atlanta's Deerhunter are a band i discovered a couple years ago being ambient and fairly interesting, so i naturally picked up a few tracks (notably 'Like New'*). at this stage they were comfy round the delay-y shoegaze campfire, and suited it grandly, emotive apathy, lost jangles, muddy mixes and all.

now deerhunter are a v different band (but not too different), making tracks with the lushly registered tinkle and chord+tambourine stomp of early velvet underground, but all under a warm familiar fur coat of Bilinda Butcher Jag feedback -- try 'Little Kids' & 'Never Stops'. the band are energetically fronted by Bradford Cox, whose worringly skeletal frame is due to Marfan Syndrome, which as a condition does absolutely nothing to stop his onslaught of self-sacrificial live expression. one to watch.



Thursday, 14 August 2008

the whines

to the left is the only existing (and critically acclaimed) logo for Beaver State shitgaze buzzards The Whines.

as lonely as their myspaz seems, their grungey-jams-heard-from-over-several-neighbour's-fences-whilst-pissed sound and tuct alt works wonders.

'Insane Ok' is an oddly haunting midday/midnight drive which could slot nicely into a surf mixtape as it could a drug scene in a Tarantino flick. the simple, grainy vocals provided by either Barky(?) or the Riddler(?) (who I really hope looks like a ginge Carrey in green question-marked lycra and a semi), turn the strangely relevant lyric 'people are insane' into the traditional lethargic-cynical tendencies of this scene. 'teleporter' and I ran with weeds' both deliver bassy clunkage and punk that is (importantly) forgettable as it is catchy. i just want to see what they fuck they look like.

Andy Apples


Sunday, 3 August 2008

psychedelic horseshit

this line represents Ohio's Psychedelic Horseshit. is it good? is it bad? is it actually 2 lines? what is a line? am I gay? how can I hope to have a stable family that appreciate me individually but equally? all valid questions.

the band are from the super-relevant genre of Shitgaze. so um um sire? wot da fuk does that mean?

-- i guess it means MBV played shit? guuhhihhhrr!!

not so much. instead, imagine the music industry. and then imagine the frustration of how shit (on the whole, if youre honest) it is, on a global fucking scale. its the frustration that music like Psychedelic Horseshit (it's a chore to write that out) are born from. and praise Allah they exist, because with any luck the impressive sarcasm of Matt Whitehurst's lyrics (the kind that make you feel like every decision made in your life is a naive dirty joke), as well as the band's overall cluttered, hurtful sound, will make people question what the fuck theyre listening to on a night out, or on their 1/2-volume iPod Shuffles.

songs like 'Rather Dull' speak a rare, square bitterness at pretty much all subcultures, (other than their popular satirical/not satirical targeting of New Age Hippies). because of the absolute horror of the sound of Psychedelic Horseshit, things become so mangled that the listener can make their own interpretations, musically and lyrically ('rather dull' becomes 'radical' por ejemplo). but, despite the crap-sliding-off-a-tin-roof sound of PsyHoSh, (and like you were expecting much after all this justification) they make sick choons, genuinely catchy (I had 'Mouth Disciples' lodged in my brain for 427890 hours) pop songs, albeit played by 3 ravaged foxes. they really are well worth a listen if you wondered what an undead version of a parallel universe Strokes would sound like if they cunted their amps and worked in telesales.

listen at MySpace
listen at

Andy Apples

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