Little Power

Alice was weird when we were young. She picked her nose and ate it and used to walk around school mumbling Titanic dialogue to herself.

Now I can see my love for her I know it must have been as blatant as a building behind me, but since she was so inhuman I doubt she even got why I was there. She had so much on her mind it was ridiculous.

We were at her home town and it was sunny. I was eating Malteasers on the grass; she was eating a mint ice-cream. I remember thinking, mint? Yuck! And yet some part of me was ridiculously drawn to the choice of it. I remember a mint green dab of it falling on her.

Planes were going overhead all the time because she lived near the airport. She kept looking up at them.

She looked down and said, ‘Pauly, you’re such a liar.’

She was smiling across at me in the sun. Then she licked the mint green ice-cream with her coral tongue.

I wanted to wave across the sky at her like a birdy.

I looked down at my lap, smiling, saying nothing.

She looked away, at a brick wall at the edge of the field.

We were sitting in the middle.

She looked back. ‘Are you and Fiona married yet?’ she asked.

‘No?’ I said.

‘Do you fancy her?’ she asked.

‘No?’ I said.

We waited and were thinking about things. She was sitting with her knees up, the grass chaff beneath her pink knickers.

I piped up. ‘How did you get that bruise on your leg?’ I asked.

I must’ve sounded like a baby.

‘Darren punched me when we were doing handstands.’ she said.

Darren, I remember thinking. I want to squeeze his head and really hurt him.

‘I like it.’ she said. ‘I like bruises.’ She was looking up at the planes again. ‘I love to have some of them.’

I looked at the bruise. It was yellowed and purplish.

*

Alice was throwing a tennis ball at me, later. Her game was throwing the ball, then handstand, then back on your feet to catch again.

She spasmed slightly after catching my throw. She had a nervous twitch.

‘Hey.’ she said. ‘Let’s go in there.’

She was pointing to the little power station with ‘danger of death’ written on the side.

The idea of it reminded me of the pylons at the Pelham Nature Reserve in Essex, the absolute death of them. I knew I was going to die.

‘Do you want to?’ she asked.

‘Yeah.’ I said.

I knew I had crossed a line in life and could already feel my body freezing from the current and dying and being on the news.

We walked across the field slowly.

As I walked alongside Alice I felt I might take her in for the last time – her hair and her arms; her eyes and her face. I won’t tell you the colour of these things because they are mine.

She put her trainer up against the mesh fence around the little power station and threaded her fingers into the holes. I saw her fingernails from afar, bitten away.

‘We have to go up together or I’m not doing it.’ she said.

I saw my window.

‘Okay.’ I said, putting my trainer up against the mesh fence.

We climbed slowly up to the top, both staring down at the grey generators, buzzing waspishly.

At the top we put our legs over inside and glanced at each other. Alice looked ridiculously excited.

As we climbed down I got a slight headache. I worried that it might be from the current, hanging in the air, filling us up.

We stood with our backs to the fence and moved around the edge on the gravel. Alice began to laugh. I thought about kissing her.

‘Oi!’ a voice shouted, ‘Oi! What the hell do you think you’re doing?’

I looked up, seeing Alice twitch out of the corner of my eye.

‘Get out of there! Jesus Christ!’

It was a man in a brown Barbour jacket.

‘My life!’

At this point we had begun to climb back up the fence. I looked over at Alice’s bottom. I really didn’t want it to catch on the generator and be electrocuted. I was almost in tears.

We didn’t look at each other as we put our legs over outside.


Andrew Goldspink

story timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Richard walks into the room wearing a blue shirt.

Sarah lies on the bed, wearing faded blue jeans. She looks up.

‘You should knock.’ she says. She smiles.

Richard stares across the room at her. John turns around from the desk and looks at Richard. Richard looks at him. John turns around.

Sarah puts a magazine down on the bed. ‘You okay?’ she asks.

There is a shout from outside the window.

‘Okay?’ she asks.

‘No, I’m fine.’ Richard says suddenly. There is a chair adjacent to the bed. He walks across the room and sits on the chair.

‘What’s the plan for tonight?’ Sarah asks.

‘We’re going ghost hunting if you want to come.’ he says.

‘Yeah, I’m up for it.’ she says.

John shakes his head slowly.

Sarah looks at the back of his head. She almost scowls.

Richard wears black shoes. He looks at her. He clasps his hands. ‘Have you got much done today?’ he asks, smiling.

‘No, not really.’ she says. She smiles. She has ash blonde hair. ‘Have you?’ she asks.

‘No.’ he says. He almost giggles.

John imagines picking him up. John imagines picking him up and slicing. John imagines picking him up and slicing along his spine. John imagines picking him up and slicing along his spine like a cow carcass.

‘Are you gay, Richard?’ John asks.

‘No, man. I’m not gay.’ he says. ‘Why? Do you want cock?’

Sarah giggles in the background.

‘Some girl said you were gay.’ John says.

‘No, I’m not gay.’ Richard says. He scratches his head. He has long hair. ‘Hey John boy – do you wanna come ghost hunting?’

‘I don’t believe in ghosts, dude.’ John says.

Richard feels he is being sympathetic.

‘If I come, he’ll come.’ Sarah says. ‘That’s the way it is.’

Richard looks at her and nods.

~

It is dark outside. The trees bend in the wind. A girl walks through the darkness. Her hair moves in the wind. She imagines how a man might start talking to her. She imagines the way his voice would change. She puts her bag down and takes out her keys.

It is dark outside. There is a shout from outside the window. Sarah turns around from the window and looks at John.

‘Are you ready?’ she asks.

John lets the sentence hang. He feels comfortable in the room, with Sarah. Although we rarely talk in here, he thinks, at least she can’t talk to anyone else.

‘Yeah.’ he says.

She smiles weakly and nods. She turns back to the window.

John looks at her body. She leans into the window diagonally. She wears clear, black tights and a grey pencil skirt. She wears an olive cardigan over a pale yellow shirt. On her shirt there is a print of a boy playing in a mountain of shit.

John looks at her bottom. He remembers all the times he has looked at that bottom as her elbows get grazed on the carpet.

‘Richard’s outside.’ she says. ‘Let’s go.’

She turns in her muddy shoes and walks out the door.

~

Richard is speeding. It is dark.

Metal plays.

‘Where are we going then?’ Sarah asks, quietly.

Richard leans to his left. Sarah speaks into his ear.

‘Wait and see.’ Richard says.

John lights a cigarette. The windows are open. The smoke moves violently around the car.

~

Richard parks the car at the side of the road. They get out. Richard lights a cigarette.

‘I’m just going to piss.’ Sarah says.

The men nod.

They stare out at the fields. There is a forest at the side of the fields. It is dark. The wind blows.

‘Looks pretty dark in there.’ John says. His voice sounds distant.

A tree next to the car looks twisted.

Richard coughs. ‘Yeah.’ he says.

They stare out at the fields. John looks to his right. He looks along the road. He can’t see the end.

It is almost completely silent.

Richard puts his hand in the pocket of his plaid shirt. ‘Do you wanna cigarette John boy?’ he asks, absently.

John feels he is depressed.

‘Yeah.’ John says. ‘Thanks.’

The flame lights up their faces, briefly.

Sarah walks across the road. She opens her mouth excitedly.

‘Let’s go.’ Richard says.

Sarah smiles.

They walk along the edge of the road.

‘What were we talking about?’ Sarah asks.

‘Not sure.’ Richard says. He exhales. Smoke trails in the darkness.

‘What music do you like?’ Sarah asks.

‘Anything.’ Richard says. ‘Whatever. I don’t really think about it.’

‘Think we’ll see any ghosts tonight?’ Sarah asks.

Richard exhales. ‘I think there’s one behind us.’

John remembers a time when he would cry at such an insult. His eyes are slightly wet from the wind.

They walk in-between the trees and into the forest. The trees grow closely together. They walk around an oak tree. Richard steps over its large roots. Sarah and John walk on the roots.

‘There’s a good spot up here.’ Richard says. ‘I do believe in ghosts.’

There is a clearing. Four logs are placed in the leaves, in the shape of a diamond.

They sit on the logs. Richard puts out his cigarette in the leaves. He takes out a bag and a key. He puts his head down slightly. His hair covers his face as he snorts. He pinches his nose.

John thinks about pigs.

Richard passes the bag to Sarah, and then the key. She puts her head down slightly. Her hair covers her face as she snorts, quietly. She pinches her nose.
Sarah passes the bag to John, smiling weakly.

John looks at her nose. He feels it is perfect. Sarah passes him the key. He puts his head down slightly. He snorts loudly, almost angrily. He passes the bag back to Richard and smiles. He passes the key back and lights a cigarette.

John passes his cigarette to Sarah. He feels almost pleased, now. He sits there. He feels that whatever Sarah and Richard do is fine.

Sarah passes the cigarette to Richard. Richard nods at John. ‘Thanks John boy.’ he says.

Sarah plays with her hair.

An owl calls.

Sarah readjusts her cardigan.

The light is blue. The silhouettes of trees are black. It is dark. It is dark. The forest is dense. The trees are thin.

John watches Richard look into her eyes. After a while, he does kiss her.

John looks down at the leaves.

When he looks up they are gone.

John stands up. He feels a chill. He looks around him. The forest is dense. The trees are thin. He thinks of ghosts.

He hears a sound.

He hears a loud crackling. He hears a loud crackling in the darkness.

He walks into the forest. The light is blue. The silhouettes of trees are black. It is dark.

Thunder drones in the distance.